Manila — The almighty president of the republic Rodrigo Duterte has complained of itchiness in his finger so he asked the presidential security personnel for a gun.

As soon as he had the weapon in his hands he immediately pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, the vice president happened to be there in the scene. Duterte fired the duly elected vice president of the Philippines Leni Robredo as head of the Housing and Urban Development Coordinating Council (HUDCC).

After the incident, Duterte’s horde of apologists and interpreters rushed to defend the childlike actions of the president citing “irreconcilable differences.”

“Actually, it was not irreconcilable differences because Duterte and Robredo were not a couple,” Cabinet Secretary Jun Evasco said.

The main reason for the firing was Robredo’s refusal to give her consent to the sexual advances of the president. It was earlier reported that Duterte ogled at the vice president’s legs, and he was not satisfied with it. He said in his confession to Pastor Apolo Quiboloy he wanted to get in there.

But Robredo dodged the bullet and submitted her resignation effective Monday, 5 December 2016. In her resignation letter, Robredo stated that the president wanted her “to desist from attending all Cabinet meetings starting this Monday.”

When the biased mainstream media was informed about the vice president’s decision, Duterte apologist Evasco said in an interview, “There was no instruction for her to be terminated in her position. Whatever decision she would take in the future, it will be her prerogative.”

Robredo expressed her dismay at the president’s actions.

“From the very beginning, the President and I had major differences in principles and values. Since I assumed office, I have been consistent in my opposition to issues such as the burial of former President Ferdinand Marcos in the Libingan ng mga Bayani, extra-judicial killings, reinstating death penalty, lowering the age of criminal liability, and sexual attacks against women,” the Vice President said.

When reached by the telephone about his response to Robredo’s resignation, Duterte said he is yet to receive the letter. He insisted he preferred Robredo to personally hand the letter so he could have another chance to ogle at her cleavage.

“If she doesn’t allow my sexual advances I rather fire her,” the president said.

“Regarding the extrajudicial killings and other issues raised against me, I am not done with them yet,” he added.

The president warned his critics that he would fire them if they continued to oppose his government programs. He already ordered submachine guns from Russia and China in case his opponents would force him to step down.

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